Toluu

What Would Tyler Durden Do?

BENJI MADDEN IS AN IDIOT, SINGLEToday

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden broke up the other day, which is surprising because any white guy still wearing his pants like this must be pretty cool.  I know only idiot wiggers did it before, and they stopped a year ago, but if there's one thing I know about trends in fashion, it's that they last forever, and nothing ever changes.  What's cool today will definitely be cool tomorrow, don't even worry about it.  It's why I look so handsome in my white sunglasses and baggy day-glo t-shirt with RELAX on the front.

CLOONEY MAY HAVE LOST HIS MINDToday

I downloaded these because I was hoping Clooney would look ridiculous playing basketball on the set of "Men Who Stare At Goats", but the fact is he doesn’t look too bad.  Not good mind you, but not the spaz I was hoping for either.  "Goats" is about psychic research in the army during the Iraq war, by the way.  I don’t know what angle this movie is taking, but I hope it’s left-wing rambling that makes America and the military look like a bunch of fumbling retards.  All we ever get from Hollywood is patriotic propaganda; it would be nice to see them shine a light on some of our flaws for once.  I bet they wanted to say something bad about our enemy in this one, but any rational person would have to agree that if you eat pork before stoning your wife or blowing up a coffee shop, you can't get into heaven and bang the 72 virgins.  Naysayers have tried to say that's not true, but they’re just being racist.

Wow I'm really preachy in the morning huh?

THE GQ MAN OF THE YEAR AWARDSYesterday

Summer Glau would probably be the best-looking woman in the room on most occasions, but she learned a valuable lesson last night (as did Elisha Cuthbert, Sarah Shahi, Olivia Wilde, Linda Cardellini, Amber Valletta and every other woman on earth):  Don’t go anywhere where Megan Fox will be, because she’s way way better looking than you and no one will even notice you’re there.  Megan Fox is so impossibly hot, I would go down on her even if it turns out she’s a guy.

JERRY SEINFELD MADE A HUGE MISTAKEYesterday

Remember Shoshanna Lonstein?  There’s no reason you should but if you do you know she became famous in 1993 when she started dating Jerry Seinfeld.  Which was a big deal at the time because she was 17 and he was 38.  They stayed together for four years and after that he married Jessica Sklar and she married some billionaires kid.  The point to all this is of course titties.  Awesome ones.  Because Shoshanna was in Miami earlier this week and was nice enough to strip down to a kick ass bikini.  These aren’t the greatest pictures of her face (a more flattering one here) so I recommend you just stare at her body.  I know I seem obsessed with big tits lately, but that’s always been a problem of mine.  I care too much.  I’m too passionate.  Also, I’m in love with being in love.

(picture source = bauer griffin)

THIS CHIPMUNK IS ANNOYINGYesterday

Miley Cyrus was on the Ellen DeGenneres show yesterday, and when Ellen brought up the topic of Mileys 20-year-old boyfriend, Miley spazzed out and broke into a giggling fit. She should be a spy or something. There’s just no cracking that veneer. Torture her all you want, she’ll never reveal where the plans are hidden.