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Well Hell Michelle


nonsensical notesNovember 15
  • I read this today: “Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.”
  • When you can’t kill the stupid people, multiple martinis help.
  • My friend Stephanie would say multiple olives in the martinis also help.

martini1.jpg

  • Just don’t drink so much that you have to go to rehab.
  • I’m not sure who is crazier on Celebrity Rehab… Jeff Conaway or Gary Busey.

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  • Hmm, I fear it is not such a good idea to tell people I watch Celebrity Rehab.
  • Gary Busey’s thoughts on fear: “Fear is the darkroom where the Devil develops his ne
hennessy disagreeOctober 27

Last week I walked into a convenience store to get some coffee… okay, and maybe a doughnut… and heard this conversation between a woman and the clerk behind the counter:

Woman: Do you have Grand Marnier?

Clerk: No, but we have some Hennessy.

Woman: Um, it’s not the same thing.

Clerk: But you can drink Hennessy anytime! You can drink it on your birthday. You can drink it on your kid’s birthday.  You can drink it on Jesus’ birthday. 

Woman: Yeah, well, um… I’m just going to go now.

After she left, the clerk said to a guy standing by the counter, “Grand Marnier? What the hell is that?

wheelchair wrangleOctober 11

My license plates came up for renewal, and today I finally made the trek to the DMV. I like the Grandview DMV because I can always expect good people-watching… and today was no exception.

When I got to the DMV, I got a number and took a seat. A couple was seated near me with their young son. The kid said he wanted McDonald’s just as a large older woman in a wheelchair cruised into the room. The woman in the wheelchair turned to the kid and said, “Do you deserve McDonald’s? Have you been a good kid, or have you been acting like a fool?”

I had no idea why she would say something like that to a stranger, and neither did the mother. She got up in the face of the woman in the wheelchair and said “Who you calling a fool? You don’t call my kid a fool. You better apologize.” Then the dad got in the face of the wheelchair-bound woman, while the mom was urging him to “do something” to this disabled woman.

The woman in the wheelchair wasn’t backing down. I finally turned to a woman behind the counter and said, “Is he really going to beat up a handicapped woman in the DMV?” She shrugged her shoulders and replied, “At least the police are downstairs if it happens.”

Entertainment like that is exactly why I go to the Grandview DMV.

groovin’ movin’September 26

Well, our house finally sold, and we are moving to the house we wanted this weekend, starting today. So if your bored this weekend, you can always stop by and help ; )

produce pick upSeptember 25

I ventured to Sunfresh in Westport a few nights ago to pick up a few things. I was in the produce section when a guy walked up to me and said, “Excuse me, do you have any food allergies?”

I thought it was weird, but I told him no, and asked why. He said, “It’s good to know when I take you out to dinner on our first date.”

Pretty bad, huh? So what our some of your favorite bad pick up lines? I know The D will have a few for us :)-