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fakesteveballmer.blogspot.com

The web diary of the most important, dynamic, prolific, passionate and inspirational person in all of technology! Stephanos Anton Ballmerfeld, more commonly known as Steve Ballmer. A friend to friends, a terror to enemies!

The Fake Blogger Presentation!December 2

OK now, this one is kinda' weird.
I gave a presentation the other day to the board of directors entitled: "The Effect of Fake Bloggers on Company Image".
The blog that they were most interested in was, well, this one!
The Fake Steve Jobs blog is dead and decomposing, today it only attracts voyeurs and die-hard iTards living in the past. The other Fake CEO Blogs are interesting but rather inconsequential (sorry guys). Fake Ballmer has become the predominate force in the FPB sphere (Fake Persona Blog).
They kept asking me if I thought it was "dangerous" to have someone out there pretending to be me pretending to not be me. This was interesting for me since they don't know that I am me pretending to not be me pretending to be me pretending to be me pretending to not be me pretending to be me .... oui!
I got a little disoriented defending the blog since I couldn't tell them what's really or really not going on. Like I said, it was kinda' weird.
In the end, several of them wanted to "hunt down" "fake Steve Ballmer" but said they would defer to my wisdom. I told them:
"Hey the guy is pretty good! If I didn't know any better, I would

The $20,000,000,000 QuestionDecember 2

Anyone intelligent enough to read this blog knows that I never intended to pay $47.5 billion for Yahoo. We went through that entire excersise in order to kill it, watch the stock tank, then snap up the entire company in a fire sale. However, because of the economic implosion the stock has fallen further than even we expected. I believe it can go even further, so now we are floating rumors that we want to buy at $20 B. When this is commonly accepted, I will crush all expectations in some grand announcement of my continued disinterest. Their stock will plummet like a rock again and we will acquire the entire company, lock, stock and barrel for about $10 billion.
It's called business people, it's not evil, nasty, ruthless .... it's simply the way things are done!

Dang! I am goooood!

The iPhone Killer!December 2

We don't quite have the ZunePhone ready yet, but this is close, it's runs off WinMoblie!
Apple, your time is up!

That Nightmare Again!December 2

I went to sleep last night with a lot on my mind! I've got to testilie this month in the VistaCapable debacle, everyone despises Vista, Novel is suing us for a half trillion and winning and my dentist claims I have incurable gingivitis!
I guess all of this had something to do with this weird recuring dream I have whenever I'm under a lot of pressure:

In the dream I'm Dewey Cox, I'm singing Walk Hard; suddenly all of the strings on my guitar brake, the entire audience starts leaving and my leather suit starts shrinking rapidly! As I struggle to get the suit off, Larry Ellison, Steve Jobs and Jerry Yang walk up to me and start laughing their butts off!
I scream "help me please! I'm dieing here!"
They then stop laughing, Steve starts throwing big aluminum Apples at me, Ellison turns into the sun and starts burning me and Yang starts yelling "Yahoooooo! Yahoooo! Yahooo!.... as loudly as he can right in my ear!"
I see Bill Gates passing by and call, "help me Bill!"
He stops, stares, then he burst into flames, saying "sorry, Ballmey-boy, I'm outta' here!"

Suddenly I wake up! I remember it all.
I went to the East kitchen, told the refrigerator to give me a nice glass of orange juice. As I drank it and th

Excuse Me, But I is Just in a Funky Kinda Mood!December 1

There now!