Toluu

Worse Than Failure

Curious Perversions in Information Technology

What the Ad?October 31 2008

A few weeks ago, TDWTF contributor Mark Bowytz shared some fun classic computer ads. Apparently, Mark has an entire attic filled with Byte magazine and other '80s computer magazines, and has dug through them to pull out some more. Stay tuned for more What the Ad?...

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Here, Mr. Shatner says, in his smoothest voice, "Buy a Commodore, you know you want to. Look at the features - appreciate the value. I know technology. I know computers, I'm. the. Captain. Of. The. Enterprise!!"

 

Meanwhile, Mr. Cosby is saying "Are you dense, son? You need this calculator. It's a good deal! Do you see how I'm dressed? This is exactly how smart people dress! Be smart like me."

 

Sure the PET's technical specs dwarf the TI's, I can take the TI anywhere. Also, while the TI uses magnetic cards for storage, the PET uses good ol' floppy diskettes and you can even network them! So many features…

I give up. I'll just take whatever the Joe Howard, the Mathnet guy, is selling.

CodeSOD: One In 3.4*10^38October 31 2008

Jonathan did a double-take when he glanced over this function:

Public Sub KillTheChildren() Dim objIntegrationAccount As IntegrationAccount For Each objIntegrationAccount In mcolItems Set objIntegrationAccount = Nothing Next Set objIntegrationAccount = Nothing End Sub

I probably would've gone with another name for this function. Perhaps ClearIntegrationAccounts, RemoveChildObjects, or really anything else that wouldn't imply that I have a chemical imbalance that makes me want to murder children.

Comparatively, though, another bit of code that he sent over is worse. (Condensed for your sanity.)

If blnContinue Then If CreateConnection Then If DeleteData Then If CreateLocations Then If SaveServiceProviders Then If LoadServiceProviders Then If LoadCategoryNames Then If LoadFiveServiceProviders Then If CalculateAllActivations Then If UpgradesCalcNoExchange Then If UpgradesCalcExchangeReturns ' (25 more levels here) End If End If End If End If End If End If End If End If End If End If End If

Probably the mo

Error'd: Floor -1October 30 2008

“A popular job interview question goes something like, ‘program me an elevator control system,’” Stephen writes, "apparently, the elevator company never thought to ask their programmers that question."

 

"I was looking for a synonym for the word 'completed'," Mark noted, "but according to thesaurus.reference.com, there are no synonyms for 'completed'. Maybe I should try 'completed' instead?"

 

"The cheapest and most useless network cable tester available on teh internets came complete with this comedy insert," Vic Edge writes, "Remember, do not change it on your mind."

 

Peter Sloboda writes, "after right-clicking for the 100th time inside the SourceGear's Vault Diff tool, choosing 'copy', and then having the subsequent paste fail, I have finally discovered the Vault programmer’s inside joke."

 

"This recently came to our house in the mail," Cassandra writes, "odd thing is, neither I nor my husband attended SDSU.

Effective ImmediatelyOctober 29 2008

Every job has its quirks. That’s what Kirk reassuringly told himself on his first day of work after meeting the company’s most egregious quirk, The Colonel. Kirk wasn’t quite sure if the impeccably-dressed man’s gruff introduction – which solely consisted of looking Kirk up, then down, then up again, and scoffing “that’s a pretty sad excuse for a Double Windsor” – was in jest or contempt, so he stuck with a the more palatable label of quirky. Fortunately, by the time Kirk realized that deranged was much more appropriate than quirky, he knew that he’d never have to personally work with The Colonel: the chain-of-command simply wouldn’t allow for it.

Having spent the larger part of his life in the military, The Colonel faithfully chose the same rigid structure for his civilian venture, a technology start-up that developed real-time logistics tracking systems. The “high-discipline” company worked well for the first year or so, as The Colonel had only hired ex-military employees and had only solicited to the military. However, when it came time to expand into the private industry, a few concessions were needed to attract the less-disciplined civilian talent: health benefits, sixty-minute lunch breaks, casual Fridays, etc. Of course, the company’s core values – ch

The Ralph CodeOctober 28 2008

Ralph's rage was the stuff of legend – and it was equaled only by his anal-retentiveness.

Ben had heard horror stories about Ralph and shrugged them off as exaggerations fostered by years of oral tradition. If the rumors were to be believed, Ralph could breathe fire and was the height of three men. Probably the stereotypical Nick Burns-esque IT guy, he reasoned.

That is, until Ben was at a colleague's downed PC. During the process, he moved some icons around on the desktop. "OH MY GOD DON'T DO THAT RALPH WILL BE SO ANGRY," she shouted with genuine fear. She begged Ben to move the icons back and not tell Ralph. Ben arched his eyebrow with confusion, but agreed.

After moving the icons back to their original positions, a wave of calm passed over his colleague. "Thank you. I can't tell you how upset and embarrassed I was last time." She went on to explain the tirade she'd received for setting her desktop wallpaper to the default, rather than the one that had received Ralph's blessing. She told of another colleague that had been reduced to tears after being chewed out for her copy of Outlook crashing. He'd refused to help users that used unauthorized mouse pads. Seriously. He wasn't Nick Burns – he was worse.

Not even their hardware vendors were free from Ralph's scorn, though at least they didn't have to deal with it directly. He arrived to work furious one day when he learned that HP was changing its numbering schemes for ink cart