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The Valley’s Next Source of Funding? Nigerian Scam ArtistsNovember 15 2008

The new picture of VC funding in Silicon Valley?
Photo courtesy of 419eaters.com

With the enormous downturn that the US economy is facing, its no surprise that the effects are finally being felt in Silicon Valley. Amidst a drying up of liquidity around the world and massive rounds of layoffs at “blue-chip” stalwarts like Yahoo, startups are finding it harder than ever (with the exception of lolcats, perhaps) to find the support and backing behind their projects as Venture Capitalists circle their wagons. What was surprising, this week, however, was to hear of another group of investors in the wings eager to take advantage of the know-how south of the Bay: N

Nick Denton’s Evil Genius: No One Likes Humor in Tough TimesNovember 14 2008

Nick Denton, feeling good about himself

A few days ago, Nick Denton, of Gawker fame, and giant blogging empires, announced he was going to fold Valleywag, betraying some fairly old-fashioned Victorian sensibilities after all. Although there was the usual smokescreen of “having trouble paying his writers”, “hemorrhaging red ink”, and “encouraging Owen to sell a kidney to pay our creditors”, our sources tell us that Mr. Denton is simply acknowledging a well known fact: no one likes to laugh in tough times.

Yes sir, although> the usual vultures are circling, a tip of the hat to Nick Denton is well deserved, because I mean, who really needs the tonic of humor

SEO’s Party Like Its 1999! (Inbound Linking No Longer Important?)November 13 2008

Even Rand Fishkin was happy

Yesterday, around the world, throngs of SEO’s burst into the street whooping, celebrating, and laughing. The reason? Google’s first manual on SEO 101, which, upon reading it carefully, makes no mention of the importance of inbound links to a given page’s ranking.

“Man, I was SOOOOooo relieved when I read this. My fingers were crossed and I was like ‘please-don’t-mention-inbound-links-please-don’t-mention-inbound-links’ … and, and — it was like Christmas 1999 all over again!”, a jubilant Barry Schwartz said, before he ran off to celebrate with other

Google Expands Tracking To HIV, Hepatitis, West African FeverNovember 12 2008

Nothing’s says unconfirmed symptoms quite like “Google”

In a bold new initiative yesterday, Google released its ‘beta’ results of a “flu” tracking web software, which tabulates when people are searching for terms related to the flu according to time and geographical location. As other bloggers have noted, rapid expansion to other diseases are planned, in the very near future, however, given how many other conditions are preceded by flu-like symptoms.

“HIV, Hepatitis, West African Fever … it makes sense to track these as well”, said CEO Eric Schmidt at a recent press conference today, after the the enthusiasm of the Google Flu Tracker. “Muscle aches and pains, fatigue and a vague sense of unwellness not confirmed by a medical professional, vitals, blood work, or even a temperature. These are all things that are worth tracking, and attaching a probable diagnosis to — and consequently, plowing millions of dollars to develop a beta for.”

Google is al

Researchers Nail Precise Number of Pathetic Losers on InternetNovember 12 2008

Nothing says pathetic like a dyed-red twisty mustache

Earlier this week, US Researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, and San Diego jointly released findings suggesting that it is indeed possible to make a profit by sending “spam” messages, or unsolicited email. However, as several pundits note, the number of emails required to get one order was approximately 12 million, putting a number to the quantity of pathetic and lonely in the US, on the Internet, at around 2000. That is to say, that approximately 0.00001 percent of individuals tested answered, and then ordered, via a fake “pharmacy” website, a variety of products.

While researchers were keen to provide some semblance of professionalism in their work, the vast majority of products were, of course, mostly relating to sexual enhancement, enlargement, and prowess. The remaining merely had to do with solutions for male pattern baldness, and, curiously enough, dry and chapped skin.

The gullible and desperate have always been a hallmark of the Internet,