Toluu

The Rino and the Buddha

This is a place where I wrestle with my life and my work (recruiting) and myself. I am in the midst of creating all of those things into what I want them to be, and that is both easier and harder than I ever thought possible.

Don't Scratch That Itch!January 7

I am sitting cross legged on a pillow on the floor, which I try to do daily these days, when my cheek begins to itch. A 20 minute daily sitting meditation has, over the past year, become more routine for me. I sit focused on my breath. I am my breath, in, out, not controlling, just aware. This focus is easier said than done. My mind sometimes races, daydreams, ponders assorted tasks, and of course it can start to worry. When I notice this behavior I acknowledge it, without feeling frustrated, and turn away from the distraction, back to my breath. Though it can be exhausting to train the mind, it is also one of the most refreshing things I have encountered.

The notion of training mind makes sense to me. In fact, the more I read Buddhist thinking by fellows like Thich Nhat Hahn, or Sakyong Mipham, the more I am amazed by similarities to some of my favorite postmodern thinkers like Heidegger and Foucault. The realization that we undergo thinking, that we are not always in control of it made sense to me when I first encountered it in college – who hasn’t had the experience of trying to remember

people like us, dearOctober 1 2008

It is often hard to be a person on the planet Earth. It can be scary, overwhelming, fraught with obstacles, and most of all, inescapably lonely. We are, after all, alone in our minds, our bodies, and our selves. I think most all of the stuff we do as people - creating, building, loving, consuming and communicating is meant, at the most basic level, to help us forget or at least put a band aid on the ache of that loneliness.

That is one reason we band together in tribes of similarity and often poke fun (or worse) at those who are other. Race, nationality, politics, religion, non religion, gay, straight, gender, geography. We work so hard to escape the singularity and loneliness of existence by being a part of something bigger. Today this country is as divided as I ever thought I’d see it. After 2000, 2001, and then 2004 I didn’t think it could get worse, but it feels like it is. Do you remember the horror, the rage, the fear? I think back on it a lot these days. I saw grown men on all sides of the political spectrum weep and rage. I watched people of all flavors do both beautiful and horrible things. Just like now.

I

Walls Fall DownSeptember 28 2008

The world seems to have gone mad. Not really of course, but it there are times it feels that way, what with the financial meltdown, an incredibly bizarre VP choice, and the finality of no more WAMU commercials, ever. Crazy times. Scary times. Periodically I look out my window to see if the Mississippi has reversed course like it did in 1812 from an earthquake here in Missouri. Some real activity on the New Madrid fault would be the icing on the cake, especially after waking up to a bed shaking appetizer earlier this year.

All this crazy stuff happening out in the world fits so well with my own business related lessons. In the wee hours of sleepless mornings I sometimes agonize about that fact that, in essence, I gamble for a living. All my careful research, preparations, and process only serve to remind me of all the things I do not control. I may have the ideal candidate, perfectly prepped, and poised to solve real problems at a receptive client. After a lovefest interview and an out of this world offer, my candidate might get an even more out of this world offer and turn my client down, or end up having faked an MBA, or lose the job bec

Trainwrecks (and bus wrecks) happen.June 28 2008

I was working pretty hard when I heard the crash, and the sound startled me out of my focus. Because there is both renovation and street repair in my neighborhood, I had no idea that there had been a serious accident. So when I ventured out of my office to grab a bite to eat, it took a moment to register what I was seeing. A school bus had slammed into the front of a house across the street. It had just happened and the police and fire departments, though on the way, had not yet arrived.

We were all very fortunate. The group of children that spend most of their time playing on that sidewalk were absent that morning, and no one in the school bus was seriously injured. Even the tree was unscathed. Other than the substantial damage to the house, it was the best outcome one could have hoped to see.

This completely unexpected stuff can happen out of the blue in both life and business. But I believe that proper preparation can often mitigate at least some of the most unfortunate scenarios. Earlier this week I was interviewed by the Recruiting Animal

pushing slowly from myselfJune 21 2008

It is early and I am in my office with Itsy, the rescue kitten, frolicking behind me. She is skittish, still wild. If I move too suddenly she scurries into a dark corner. So over the past week my movements have become thoughtful, more smooth, and a bit more unhurried as she watches me. Having her in my office has been a distraction, but I find myself watching her watching me while I work, and it has been fun.

Over the past six months or so that thoughtful slowing down has been my overall pattern, though there has been no kitten to blame, or to thank. I am learning, to borrow and bend some words - a "disciplined practice of straying afield of myself" in order to create a possible opening toward self-transformation. I am learning to - not just simply discover who I am - but to shape who I may become, by questioning and moving away from who I am, why I am, and how I am, and even questioning the questions. Work, Life, Love, Identity. This year has challenged me deeply.

One night, very soon after I left my job, I was walking the dog and fighting my fear - those nights, on those walks, fear was a constant co