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The Superficial - Because You're Ugly


The Superficial presents Plastic Surgery Gone WTFYesterday
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Welcome to The Superficial's Gallery of Mangled Celebs. Here you'll find a pictorial cavalcade of stars (With bitching commentary of course.) who thought they could cheat nature but ended up looking like, well, see for yourself.... Click here for an experience that makes Nip/Tuck look like just a show about plastic surgery.
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Kim Kardashian still has a giant butt. You may sleep at night now.Yesterday
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It's been a while since I've posted about Kim Kardashian, so here she is shopping in Beverly Hills last night in case some of you were wondering if her ass can still double as an aircraft carrier: Yup. Feel to start the ticker tape parade and declare me a national treasure now. Goddamn, did I earn it.
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Jake Gyllenhaal is apparently a tough guy nowYesterday
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Remember when Jake Gyllenhaal would always play the role of the wistful outcast teenager who mumbled all his lines? Well, somebody just sold that kid some steroids. I'm not about to point any fingers here, but if Reese Witherspoon doesn't fit the M.O. of a drug dealer, then I just gave the cops a really bad tip. And might've told them her chin was a deadly weapon. I'm going to Google non-extradition countries now.
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Heidi Montag takes inevitable step toward becoming human billboardYesterday
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Heidi Montag had her nails painted with the Chanel logo while shopping in Beverly Hills yesterday and, wow, what a huge mistake. If you're going to advertise your company on Soulless Barbie here, you probably want to chose a bit more visible location. Something that grabs your eyes and doesn't let go. I'm talking, of course, about Heidi's large, heaving chin. On a related note, if you own stock in Chanel, congratulations. You're poor now.
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Drew Barrymore attempts to pick up Kevin Connolly - literally. He's very small.Yesterday
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Drew Barrymore is looking to add "Elf Fucker" to her resume. She was recently seen hitting on Entourage star Kevin Connolly who wanted nothing to do with that, according to The National Enquirer:

Drew, 33, and Kevin, 34, were spotted having drinks together at the Laurel Tavern in Studio City, Calif, on Dec. 21. While Drew poured on the charm with touchy-feeling gestures, Kevin played it cool and barely showed her any affection at all.
“Drew was practically throwing herself at Kevin,” an eyewitness revealed. “They were at the tavern for almost two hours, and Drew was definitely the one initiating all the physical contact.”

You know, I really shouldn't make fun of Drew Barrymore. She's out there providing a charitable service to actors who would otherwise never get laid. Your Justin Longs, Tom Greens and an apparently picky Kevin Connolly. Beggars can't be choosers, dawg. Excuse me while I close my garage door on my hands for that last sentence. Bad Superficial Writer. Bad. No.