Toluu

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He died to save our economyNovember 28

Good ol’ America. Land of the free, best country in the world, everyone wishes they were us.

The thing I like most about America is our restrained consumerism.

A Wal-Mart worker died after being trampled when hundreds of shoppers smashed through the doors of a Long Island store Friday morning, police and witnesses said.

The 34-year-old worker, employed as an overnight stock clerk, tried to hold back the unruly crowds just after the Valley Stream store opened at 5 a.m.

We really have our priorities, straight, you know? Like, everyone else in the world’s singularly obsessed with $89 digital cameras and $600 HDTVs, but we keep our focus on what really matters in life.

How do I know that? Because we’re always quick to help a soul in need.

Witnesses said the surging throngs of shoppers knocked the man down. He fell and was stepped on. As he gasped for air, shoppers ran over and around him.

“He was bum-rushed by 200 people,” said Jimmy Overby, 43, a co-worker. “They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too…I literally had to fight people off my back.”

We’re also a nation of sacrifice. Here we are, in the midst of a deep recession-slash-depression, and this thoughtful soul gave his

Lovin’ Me Some Activist JudgesNovember 26

Happy Holidays!

Florida Gay Adoption Ban Is Ruled Unconstitutional

A Florida law that has banned adoptions by gay men and lesbians for over three decades is unconstitutional, a judge here ruled on Tuesday.

“The best interests of children are not preserved by prohibiting homosexual adoption,” the judge, Cindy S. Lederman of Miami-Dade Circuit Court, said in a 53-page decision. She said the law violated equal protection rights for children and their prospective parents.

Florida is the only state with a law prohibiting gay men and lesbians — couples and individuals — from adopting children. The Legislature voted to prohibit adoptions by gay men and lesbians in 1977, in the midst of a campaign led by the entertainer Anita Bryant to repeal a gay rights ordinance adopted by Dade County.

…and…

U.S. Court Allows Abuse Case vs. Vatican

A federal appeals court has permitted a lawsuit over alleged sexual abuse to proceed against the Vatican, creating potential liability for the seat of the Roman Catholic faith for the activities of Catholic clergy in the U.S.

Monday’s ruling, issued by the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in Cincinnati, marks the first time a court at so high a level has recognized that the Vatican could be liable for the neglig

How many Arab-looking folks are gonna get a subway beatdown for this?November 26

It’s happening! It’s happening! And on the weekend of our greatest deals on HDTVs, too!

That’s right, Al-Qaeda, the pseudo-fictional loosely organized Arabic cabal of Cobra Commander fanboys is finally attacking America again!

The FBI has warned New York area law enforcement of a “plausible but unsubstantiated” al Qaeda suicide bomb attack against the area’s commuter rail systems over the holiday.

…plausible, but unsubstantiated? Meaning, what, it hasn’t been ruled out in terms of astrophysical possibility, but neither has anyone actually been found (through illegal means, no doubt) of cooking up a for-reals plot?

In a memo, the FBI said the plot was “aspirational” and based on a report that al Qaeda terrorists “in late September may have discussed targeting transit systems in and around New York City” using suicide bombers or explosives.

Aspirational? That’s even sillier-sounding than plausible but unsubstantiated. What’s next, saying that they just heard a few guys talking about it over a glass of chablis?

A US official said the FBI report had been issued “out of an abundance of caution” and that “there is nothing concrete to suggest the plot went beyond the talking stage.”

…oh, so it really was just a couple dudes talking ab

Horrors. I’ve Been Going About It Wrong The WHOLE TIME!November 25

Well, I couldn’t resist this:

Our mission: To find out exactly what men are looking for in a good girlfriend. Impossible? Not exactly. We simply turned to Lisa Daily, syndicated relationship columnist and author of Stop Getting Dumped, who promises to help readers find and marry “the one” in three years or less. Daily followed her own advice and married her dream man, who proposed at the top of the Eiffel Tower after a six-month courtship. Now, she is determined to help other single gals do the same.

Yes, single gals, you’ve come to the right place. Her name is Lisa; my name is Lisa. (Okay, her last name’s most commonly an adjective while mine’s always a proper noun, but the congruence is still uncanny, right?) She got married to her “dream man;” hell, me too! All you jealous, bitter, cat-feeding spinsters on the wrong side of thirty, you know you all want to know–what’s our secret?

Lisa Adjective says, “about the 10 traits every man is looking for in a serious girlfriend:”

1. She has a life of her own — and it’s pretty good to boot.

That sounded reasonable to me at first. You do want somebody who isn’t massively codependent either on you or his or her parents, right? Someone’s who is interested and engaged in life, has dreams and ambitions, etc?

…er, appar

Spiritual journeys are marked by suffering. Other people’s, primarily.November 25

This morning, they had Michael Lewis on, talking about the long-term effects of Wall Street, as it continues to gently slide into the sewer (or into, uh, some deeper sewer). He mentioned, amongst other things, that the utterly-ridiculous salaries and bonuses that once characterized Wall Street are probably at an end. He also thinks that the ridiculousness of Wall Street bled into ridiculousness in upper management everywhere, leading to CEOs regularly drawing paychecks and bonuses in the range of tens of million dollars—so that’s probably going to crash pretty hard, too. This is, I think, a little naïve, but he’s the economist. If he’s right, I will regard it as “nice.” It’s impossible to muster too much excitement, though—I expect we will still be living in a world where CEOs draw seven-figure compensation at a minimum, whilst their line workers draw minimum wage, and their slaves draw, perhaps, barely enough to minimally survive (unless the harsh realities of the market force their wages down, of course).

And then there’s this,

A few months ago, Lewis visited Princeton University, his alma mater, “to find out what the kids who were going to be investment bankers were now going to do with their lives.” He says he was “so frustrated with how unimaginative young people had become in choosing their path in life that I t