Toluu

What to Expect When You're Aborting

I’m 23, I’m knocked up. I’m not keeping it. You can fuck yourself Judd Apatow. expectanabortion at gmail dot com

Why can’t I think of any other musical that gets it’s abortion...August 28 2008

Why can’t I think of any other musical that gets it’s abortion on???

They have to exist, no? The termination of a pregnancy as expressed through the magic of song and dance???

Help me out here people.

In Cabaret, Cliff smacks Sally after she pawns her coat to get the baby out of her. Then he flees fascist Berlin. There’s a few vodka stained numbers in between and it all ends quite tragically. Its a phenomenal play.

I don’t mean it in the way people talk about the travesty that is RENT. Its not the type of thing where one says  “well, that’s so true isn’t it? smack addicted AIDS infested bohemians do have a song in heart that should be heard, shouldn’t it? the woes of gentrification and gay love really do sound great when put to a tango back beat, don’t they? Well I think so. Quick! Let’s get in line for rush tickets”

No.

Cabaret is actually very smart. And the abortion in the musical, sadly, plays as a tragedy: it represents Sally’s unwilling to live for any one but herself, Cliff’s naive desire for  wholesomeness in a decadent city like Berlin, the final collapse of trust and family in the tennous community of the Kit Kat Club and the first peek at a shadow of death that was soon to eclipse Germany.

Meta sidenote:

We all knew it was going to end up h

Let's get our vanity on!August 27 2008

Honestly, if you’re considering a career as a neo-natal practioner, don’t even bother. Google has you beat to shit.

Guess when you start showing?

4 MONTHS!!!

That means the 10 pounds I’ve put on in the past 60 days is due to my adoration of cheeseburgers and napping! Fucking rad!

So I don’t even get to have the sweet relief of slipping into my slim jeans after my abortion.

It’s like weaksauce spilled all over the entire world… and I slurped all up with a motherfucking large shake.

First world whine, for shure.

Small Plastic Flags and Abortions (Movies) for All!August 26 2008

Introspective movies about abortions! Fuck yeah!

Citizen Ruth – it’s a great little morality play about the political interests that fuel the abortion debate and the glue-sniffing pregnant single moms that get lost in the melee. While both the pro-abortion folks and evangelicals  come off as cynical, the anti-abortion kooks come off hilariously evil. Its one of Burt Reynold’s most understated, creepiest, boy –lovin’ performances!!

Vera Drake – Oh man, I hope my abortionist (abortion doctor? pregnancy terminator? vacuum operator?) is as kindly and red-nosed as Vera. She’s like a chubby Marry Poppins that has an abortion kit in her carpet bag She refers to abortions as just “helping young girls out.” Apparently, in old timey London town they used to give abortions by essentially forcing a rubber hose in you and pumping soapy water. Scary right? But Vera is sweeter than syrup. This movie is so good. It makes me weepy and warm.

4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days – Not the most cheerful of aborty movies. Makes you proud tha

The Pregnancy Gnomes Have Gone and Tenderized my TitsAugust 26 2008

ow.

bike riding — owwwwww.

i feel like a line-backer was jumping up and down on my chest all night.

Once again, I keep thinking it’s all in my head but then The Google tell me it is so. The Oracle speaks:

What is Breast Tenderness During Pregnancy?

Breast tenderness during pregnancy is a very common thing. In fact, it is often one of the very first signs that you are pregnant. Breast tenderness simply refers to the soreness, swelling, and sensitivity that you feel in your breasts during pregnancy. Typically, this tenderness begins between the fourth and sixth week of pregnancy, and continues through the first trimester.

So morning sickness, cravings, swelly ouchy titties all happen in the first trimester. Given my avid watching of day time talk shows and tabloid trash I somehow got the impression that if you ignore your skipped period a lot of chicks go pregnant without notice until the second trimester. This is based on all those teenagers who randomly give birth before prom and we’re like “but i didn’t know!!!”. Now I think they’re twice as clueless. This

Told My Dad That I Have an Unwanted Bun in My Nubile OvenAugust 24 2008

The first person I wanted to tell was my mom. But she’s abroad placing my frail grandmother in nursing home (I know, August is the cruelest month! As my jewish grandfather says “you can give it back to the Indians!”).

Coincidently, mama had an abortion when she was my age. It was in 1974 and she had just moved from a deeply catholic south American country  — that only legalized DIVORCE in 2004— to the US.I think she had the abortion in the US. UGH! Why didn’t I ask her these questions?!?

My dad, who is my bestie, took it like a champ.

I prefaced it by saying how thankful I was that I could tell him this without fear and praise allah that I was of an age where I have the money, the stability, and maturity to avoid making this into a life altering event. And that I could talk to him openly about it.

He was super supportive and has been calling me every hour to just chat and see how I’m feeling. He’s taking my queues. I’m trying to remain calm and so is he. He’s an insufferable gossip so I’m sure he’s going to tell my mom before I do.

While my father and I are extremely close, he’ always sort of vague about his early twenties. I know my mom married my dad when she was 24 (the year of her abrotion), but when she told me about her abortion (years and years ago) I don’t think I asked if it was my dad’s or her boyfriend before my dad.

If it was my father’s I wonder if he has the same type of cool about it