Toluu

WalllofWeird

my life has become a boring pop song and everyone's singing along.

School.November 30

I got into school last weekend. But I’m not going back.

I want to. I would love to. I’m finally old enough to want to go back for the right reasons. I yearn to do something more mentally stimulating than memorizing the additives in fucking test tubes. I want an education. I want a job that I might really like.

But I just can’t go.

Understandably, neither of my parents would support me in going back. (Not assuming, I did talk to them about it.) I’m unable to get any government aid, and I can’t get a loan. (I have no credit worthy cosigners, or a credit score.) I just can’t afford it right now. Or probably ever. It’s sad, because I know I’m smart enough to do it, but I just will never have the opportunity again. I blew it. Game over. The end.

I really have no interest in going back to community college. (I hated my one semester there with a burning passion of one thousand suns.) Since I’m staying here, I’m going to get a full time job, get a car, and eventually move out. I’m almost twenty years old, I’m not going to continue living with my parents just so I can afford the time spent/money spent at community college. I know some people work full time and take night classes, but that’s just not my thing. I don’t want to do something unless I know I can throw myself into it 100%.

So maybe when I’m older. Maybe. Doubtful though.

I just really wish I could do it over again.

EDIT: I should add that Iâ€

November 28

I’m really vain when it comes to my hair. I’ve always had really thick, dark hair (and spent years wishing it was wispy and blonde.) I dyed it constantly, despite people telling me it was all going to fall out. It never really damaged my hair too much, actually. It wasn’t until I started taking medication for my thyroid that it thinned out. Now it’s wispy and curly, and I hate it. I was looking at my photobucket at old pictures, and I was amazed at how different my hair is. It makes me kind of sad. I can’t wear my hair up certain ways without the patches in the front showing [part of the reason i started wearing bangs] And when my hair is short it looks like a wig.

january 2007

may 2007.

august 2007

Stupid wordpress keeps cutting off the end of my entry. Ewww.

now.

November 28

i had a weird dream that i went to a religious high school and were snuck into a public school to recruit people to our school. then we were all at starbucks and they didn’t have anything i wanted so i was super sad.

lolheroesNovember 19

they are so cute. and totally doing it irl.

I’ve already decided that this movie is going to make me cry.November 19