Toluu

Justin Hemenway

Nerdiness Abound...........

A scalped ticket to New Pork CityOctober 15

Earthbound fans, the moment you probably forgot you were waiting for is finally here! The fine folks at Starmen.net have finally completed an English patch for the import-only Mother 3.

But herein lies the problem: in order to take advantage of this translation, I need to infinge upon Nintendo’s copywrights. Now, longtime listeners know that I do not support gaming piracy and the vast majority of emulation out there, but just this one time, I’m officially breaking my own moral code. I’m sorry, Nintendo. I’d much prefer to see an official Treehouse localization, but by expressing zero interest in bringing the sequel to one of my all-time favorites to our shores, you have forced my hand. You’ve teased me too much with the “Porky” cameos in the last Smash Bros. for me to back down. I need this ROM.

*Fellow fans, do you think I’m wrong? Should I sit tight and keeping praying for a miraculous domestic release of “Earthbound 2,” or is this a worthy exception?

Four Wheels Good, Two Wheels BadSeptember 23

Burnout motorists hoping for Road Rash-style brawls or at least a new excuse to revisit Paradise City may be disappointed to hear that the latest update from Criterion doesn’t add much content. I know, I know - it’s hard to complain when its free. But that doesn’t change the fact that the bikes and especially the day/night cycles are rubbish.

When I think Burnout, I picture cars moving at blistering speeds and trading paint. The charm of the series is the emphasis on reckless, destructive driving. So why then are all of the offline* challenges time trials? Totally asinine. And why are the bike crashes so anemic? I’m not looking for grotesque displays of carnage, but there’s something satisfying about the slow-motion car crunches that are the series’ trademark. When I smash my bike into the side of the bus, it’s very jarring to see it suddenly pop onto the screen unscathed immediately afterwards.

And the less said about night racing, the better. I want to know who at Criterion thought it would be a good idea to actually reduce visibility in a game that’s already too cluttered. The streets are lined with light posts, but none of them were programmed to function; Paradise City apparently suffers through blackouts every night. Luckily, the night skies can be turned off in the options menu, but th

Already SwampedSeptember 14

Since the last time I posted…

• Classes are going well but I already have a ton of work. I have a technology beat for my reporting class, which means I may have a chance to interview the folks at the Champaign-based company Volition (Red Faction, Saint’s Row). I’m also taking Graphics & Design, which focuses on “alternative story formatting” - think graphs and sidebars. The editing software is going to require some practice, but I’m excited to develop a layout skill set. (I’m also aware of the irony of discussing effective formatting while completely misusing bullets).
• I’m so relieved that the Coens are still able to make movies like “Burn After Reading.” It’s been so long since they produced a funny comedy, but my faith has been restored. Pfarrer’s basement project and the J.K. Simmons’ briefings were the standout moments, but it’s the little background details that make BAR so special. Chad’s “intimidation” tactics, “Coming up Daisy,” even the Putin portrait in the Russian embassy…while I think comparisons to “Big Lebowski” are misleading, BAR is just as packed with comic touches.
• Yakuza 2 is worth your time if you were a fan of the original, but I wish the story would just stick to the pulpy mob war stuff. One minute, Kazuma’s chasing down leads on the Goda family, the next he’s doing a part-time bit as a male host or trying to turn his adopted daughter into a pop idol. Just bizarre. Look fo

Reportin’ from UrbanaAugust 26

Looming deadlines, exhaustive reading assignments, and late night study sessions - it’s all rushing back to me now. Though I’m completely overwhelmed by the size of the Champaign Urbana campus and back to square one on the social front, it feels good to be a student again. I’m sure this sentiment will change in a few short weeks when I’m downing (heavily caffeinated) Dews and stalling out on my lead paragraphs, but right now the “professional journalist” title seems within my grasp. I’m just one “intensive” year away.

The bad news is that this fast track comes at a price. If I learned one thing from last week’s orientation, it’s that I’m going to have very little time for recreation. Couple that with the discovery that my dormitory internet connection is tenuous at best (though this probably will change as the semester progresses), and it should come as little surprise that I will need to drastically decrease my involvement in The Rumble Pack Podcast. Believe me, this is a hard sacrifice to make, but my perpetual loafing had to come to an end at some point. That doesn’t mean I’ll be leaving the show completely. Right now, we’re considering pre-recorded addresses or rants to tag to the end of our shows (think Andy Rooney of “60 Minutes,” except maybe even more crotchety), and you can che

Extra Funk in the Trunk: A Beginner’s Guide to ElefunkJuly 30

It is time to make amends. When you listen to episode 55 this week, you will unfortunately hear my co-hosts ridiculing me for purchasing Elefunk, Sony’s pachyderm-infused civil engineering crash course (selling for a paltry five bucks). Unfortunately, I was only a few stages into the game, and thus unprepared to counter their baseless ridicule. That, and the game is really frustrating for the first hour or so. However, now that I’ve warmed up to this PSN sleeper, I thought I’d help provide the tutorial that the developers mysteriously forgot to include. Hopefully these quick (admittedly common sense) tips will make up for the outright dismissal of Elefunk on this week’s podcast.

1. Pay attention to your happy accidents - Some of the principles you discover early on will be used frequently throughout the later stages. Be sure to keep track of what works and what doesn’t.

2. Put the bulk of the weight against the walls of the chasm - Watching your bridges collapse in on themselves can be maddening, but you can alleviate some of the burden by taking the weight out from under the center and moving it to the ends. Triangular pieces work wonders here (think arches).

Nothing a history major can’t handle!

3. You’re not supposed to use all of the pieces! - Each u