Toluu : Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist

Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers

Hideous, Mean, Saggy-titted CurOctober 24: Okay, so about three months ago my roommate takes in this stray dog. She's horrible, and I'm a dog lover, so I don't say that lightly. I say that as heavily as possible. And please don't flag this post for removal, because there is a real dog whose life is at stake here, and although you may disagree with my not writing flowery Ad-Man prose about her, hell, I'm just being honest. This dog sucks. When my roommate found her on the streets, she was malnourished and skittish and had heart worms. You know, I've read more and more stories about pets being abandoned lately because of the economy. I recently got back from a gay wedding in California where one of the grooms had just rescued a Papillon he found starving in a ditch. He was neurotic and defensive for like the first few days, but now a week later he has settled in, and is doing great. And the Papillon's doing well, too. But this pendulously mammaried cur - Elzora, my roommate calls her, though you might as well be meowing at her, because she doesn't know the difference - she is not like that. Not. Like. That. At. All. This is not the precious, precocious Papillon someone rescues from a ditch. This is the miserable, ugly bitch (I use the term technically) that you make a little scrunchy-face at while glancing at it askance...before calling fricking Animal Control. Roomie, who seriously must have a heart the size of the state, felt sorry for her and took her in a
To the older woman watching me buying condoms - m4wOctober 22: I was the 20 something guy holding two bottles of chardonay in the condom section of the Dominick's. You were the lovely lady in her 50's peering over my shoulder as I made my selection. I was not aware of your presence until the audible gasp when I reached for a box of ribbed magnums. My date did not go exactly as planned; the wine went down ok but I forgot to use the magnums in the heat of the moment and I think I may have gotten the clap. Long story short I still have a dozen condoms left over if you are interested in going out sometime... <ul> <li> Location: Schaumburg <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>
WELL HERE GOES... - w4mOctober 21: This is weird... I saw you at the park the other day- you know, the one by the school? You were over by that tree taking a leak and I thought that your coat looked GORGEOUS!! I wanted to sniff your rear end and ask if you use liver oil or fish oil supplements but then a bird distracted me (dunno- I think it was a crow) and I ran off. When I came back you were kinda busy eating some poop. Please please please lemme know... <ul> <li> Location: DALLAS <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>
The guy who mugged me - m4mOctober 18: Thanks chief, you really made my evening. I was just thinking a few days ago "wow it's be a while since anyone stuck a gun in my face" Then you came along like a soft breeze in the night. I think you did a pretty good job, however I could offer a few pointers. 1. After someone has turned out their pockets, that means they are empty. 2. If I don't have a wallet why would I have a bank card? 3. While I didn't have anything in them, I had more pockets than you checked. 4. People often times hide money/drugs in their shoes or socks. Make sure to check those on your next target. 5. A simple please and thank you are always welcome 6. I can understand why you took my cellphone, you didn't want me calling the cops. But really, it's the only thing I had. Why not just strip the battery or something? I really needed that. Plus the thing is like 8 years old, you can't even sell it. Jerk. 7. Pick better targets, Occams razor might help here. If he looks poor then it leads to believe that he is poor. Why risk jail time, and serious time at that over a poor guy, at least get some cash outta the deal. 8. By being a African American mugger you are really reinforcing stereotypes. I hope this helps mugger, I really hope you are enjoying my phone. I kept calling but you won't pick up. I'm so sad :( Also, quick note to the c
Another Bang ListerOctober 17: Here's what I think of your Bang List: <big><big><big><big>B</big></big></big></big>utter You were my first lube. You were always there for me; you never asked for anything, you just gave and gave and gave. Sure, I experimented a little, who doesn't? Corn oil, mayonnaise, suntan lotion, Vaseline, hair gel, jam, ManGlide... but you were the first. Yeah, it really brings back the ol' memories. You'll always have a special place in my heart. Hell, I can't even eat popcorn these days without getting a woody. <big><big><big><big>U</big></big></big></big>nderwear You were hawwt. I remember the first time I checked out my Mom's underwear in the dirty clothes hamper; you were flirting with me. Teasing me to try you on. Did you ever tell her that I sometimes wore you while I spanked my monkey? You dawg! She must have weighed 280 pounds, and you were like a circus tent. And her bra? OMG! That was Tasty Hot! She'd come home from a long day at work, all hot and sweaty, and eat her fried-chicken TV dinner while leaning forward on her chair so I could pick the zits on her back. Her bra was just so . . There. I'd sneak a peek every once in a while. You know what I'm saying? Fuckin' A, baby! <big><big><big><big>L</big></big></big></big>ady on page 26 of the Victo